Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Words of Wisdom by Lenzie

Hello my wonderful bloggers! I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. It has been a while since my last post. It was a BUSY 3 weeks. I had the Wicked/Harry Potter extravaganza, which was AMAZING! Wicked was very good and HP was spectacular, as usual. Then Thanksgivings, which happen to be my least favorite holiday, not because of the meaning but more because I really don’t like most of the traditional Thanksgiving fare. I also threw my sister a baby shower for our upcoming Nephew Carlos. (Side Note: His name is not actually Carlos, but they haven’t chosen a name so we thought Carlos would be appropriate.) So I am back to normal, well as normal as I have always been. Although now I just have to worry about Christmas shopping, which I just started doing yesterday. I am WAY behind this year; I am most usually finished by this time every other year. Oh well, I may just gift card it up this year J! Since I am sure most of you are starting to stress about the holidays I thought I would offer you some advice to maybe help your holiday aggression.
Lenzie’s Words of Wisdom: Holiday Edition:
1.      If someone runs into you while shopping without apologizing you have the right to payback the rude shopper. Some examples of possible and approved repayments are as follows:
a.       Follow said shopper around the store and place miscellaneous merchandise into their cart while they are not looking. The more random the items, the better the revenge. (Side Note: Condoms, hemorrhoid cream, adult diapers, gas x, finger puppets, ping pong balls & crayons are all excellent choices.)
b.      Continue bumping carts with the shopper until he/she says something and then say, “Oh, I thought you liked playing bumper carts!”
c.       This last suggestion is only for the meanest of mean offenders. (Side Note: I would NEVER execute this type of punishment, but it should be rather effective.)  Simply stay in front of the shopper for the entire rest of the trip. Block the entire isle so they can't get around. Walk incredibly slowly and in a zig zag fashion. Maybe they will get the hint and stay far far away!
2.      If you find yourself in a duel over the last remaining item and your dueler is not willing to negotiate you have 2 options if you are not willing to bow out of the duel:
a.       Grab the item and run as fast as you can to the checkout counter. Knocking over potential road blocks, such as toilet paper rolls, pencils or marbles may slow your competition down. (Side Note: Trying the “Hey look” trick may help as well.)
b.       If you are certain you will be unable to outrun your fellow dueler the only proper way to proceed is to determine the victor by a game of paper, scissor, rock. I happen to like best out of 5.         
                                                              i.      Should your dueler be a poor sport, simply shout, as loud as you can, “Stranger Danger” and collect your merchandise once the dueler is embarrassed and make your way to the check out.
3.      Holidays should not be just a time to shop. This is prime people watching people!!! You will see things you questioned ever existing. Instead of giving you written examples I will show you some of the sites I have seen on my recent trips! Please feel free to send me your pics of the wonders you spot while shopping and I will add them to this post. Also note that not all wonders have to be bad, some are just sooo great you need proof that you witnessed it!
                                                              i.      Please Remember- While photographing live subjects please make sure your camera/phone is on silent so you can be as inconspicuous as possible. Enjoy!!
Saw this at the mall. Loved this! I am also sure my Yorkie is smarter than most honor students!

Barbie lost her car at Hobby Lobby! How fun would this be to drive?

Saw this at the mall in St. Louis, MO. Thought it was rather interesting that Michael Jackson, Kanye West & Barack Obama were all painted for the "Achievement & Hope" Campaign. I will leave it at that!

Haha Jordan thought she needed pushed at Wal-Mart when she didn't feel well!

I spotted this car and laughed out loud. Whatever it was hauling would flop up and down. I caught it when the car was stopping so it was up!

Scary Mannequins at Dillard's. I thought for a second I was in some cheesy horror flick about man eating naked mannequins.

Only in Arklahoma will you find this rare type of mullet. This mullet consists of an entirely shaved head except for the thin layer of hair at the back. Now only if it had been braided...

Saw these ladies at wal-mart. Never acceptable to wear house shoes into a public place. Especially not winter booties with booty shorts, What the heck?!

This car is CLASSY! The back bumper was adorned with faux Louis Vuitton emblems. Banana!! (Side Note: My iPhone corrects bahaha to Banana, so naturally I have just started saying Banana)

My sister spotted this car stache and sent it to me! This car is 100% cooler with the stache!!

I saw this nice ride at wal-mart. Pimped out 1980's Lincoln town car with 20's. NICE!! I wouldn't be surprised if it had scissor doors as well!!

Well Folks, I hope this has perhaps brightened your day. Remember to keep your cameras ready, for you are sure to see some magical things while Christmas shopping this year! Have a great Week!!

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