Thursday, December 30, 2010

December has turned into Suckember

Hello Again Readers! I hope you are all having a fabulous week. You may be asking, “Why is December so bad?” Not all Decembers are bad, just this one.  This month I happen to have 2 people moving away. My Sister Jordan is moving to STL and my best Fran Casey is moving to Tehas (Side Note: I am fully Aware that you do not spell Texas with an H, but it is more fun to say). . . Booo!!!

So since they are both leaving me I am dedicating today’s post to them! I will miss them both and I will be depressed at work for a long time! So please hurry and move back! Thanks!
Love Ya!
This is Casey wearing my sunglasses on the way to lunch one day! Haha

Are we driving down the interstate and taking pictures, No Way!!!

Jordan & I on our way to lunch!

Jordan & I at work one day! We love photo sessions!

Pub Crawl 2010 with Jordan & Casey! Jordan is not flipping the camera off, she is giving a peace sign!

Casey teaching me how to do a cartwheel at work. . . He was a terrible teacher-I still can't do a cartwheel!

Lunch Party Take 2! What?!?

Jordan & I, I have no clue where we are in this one though! Haha

I wish you both luck and good times in your new roles. Just know that I will miss you and I lugh you!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Tom’s Shoes

Welcome Readers! I hope everyone had a fantabulous Christmas! I am sure you were mostly good throughout the year so “Santa” was probably good to you. I have a short story to share about my Christmas escapades. I hope you enjoy!
Lilo Loves the Christmas tree. He gets in trouble daily for biting the presents, tearing the ribbons, licking the tape and swatting the ornaments!


Jacob and I had decided to only get each other “stocking stuffers” since we had just made an IKEA trip and kind of went overboard. We have only been in our house for about 8 months so we are still decorating our bare walls and furnishing un-used rooms. Our limit was $100.00. This is a conservative amount, but we literally had bought everything we needed, but mostly wanted a week or so ago. (Side Note: I am the girl who buys things all throughout the year, so I don’t really save anything for Christmas. Remember I hate surprises.) I had picked up on a few of Jacob’s clues of things he wanted/needed for Christmas. For instance, he has been stating that he wants a juicer so he can make his own juices like Whole Foods. Thank you Whole Foods! He also said he was out of body wash and would like a new phone cover. Jacob also made a Christmas list that was an entire page long. I had lots to choose from. Here is a picture of the gifts I bought for Jake.

I on the other hand had only 5 things on my list. Most were well over the $100.00 limit. I wanted a trip to Harry Potter with Amber, a treadmill, a new big digital camera, just to name a few. I wasn’t expecting any of those items on Christmas. So when it came time to open presents I was wondering what they could be. (Side Note: Jacob had purchased these presents Thursday, Dec 23. Nothing like waiting till the last minute, eh?) Here is a picture of my presents.
Before I open the small box this is the conversation that took place:
Jacob: “What do you think it is?”
Lenzie: “Well, it feels like slippers, but I already told you I had a new pair of those, so I really have no clue what it is!”
Jacob: “Well what do you not want it to be?”
Lenzie: “Well, it better not be a pair of Tom’s shoes, or I will kick you in the no-nos!” (Side Note: This was said jokingly as we have had the conversation in the past about how much I loath Tom’s shoes.”
Jacob: --**bethos face**--
Lenzie:--**opens the box containing Tom’s shoes and hysterically starts laughing**--
Lenzie: “I hate these shoes, **more laughing**, Thank You!” (Side Note: There is no use putting on a happy face and telling him that I love the gift when right before I opened the box I professed my hatred for the shoes I never imagined receiving!)
Jacob: “I knew you didn’t like them, but I didn’t think they were that bad and I hoped that they would grow on you.”
Lenzie: “Thank You, but I just don’t like them”
Jacob: “Try them on before you say anything else”
Lenzie: **tries on the shoes that are a little snug, they probably should have been a 7 instead of a 6.5**
Lenzie: “These look like mummy shoes, like someone seriously wrapped their feet with ace bandages.” **the shoes are super itchy and they weren’t that comfortable**
Jacob: “I thought you would like them. They donate a pair of shoes for every pair that is purchased!”
Lenzie: “Do you want to donate these?”

Apparently that was not the response he was looking for and immediately became pouty. Luckily the next present was great and he no longer asked me to guess what it was before opening. I regret my knee jerk reaction of shouting that I hated the shoes, but there was no faking it at that point! Aside from the Funniest Home Video moment we had while opening presents the remainder of Christmas was pretty smooth. I suspect next year he will stick to my list! Haha

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Baby Carlos

Hello again readers! This is a strange occasion since I am posting twice in a week. It is pretty slow this week; therefore I have more time to blog. I don’t think I have mentioned this before, but my older sister is about to have her first baby. His name is Carlos. This, unfortunately, is not his actual name, but instead a name I have given him since his parents haven’t chosen a name yet! So if I refer to Carlos, I am referring to my soon to be birthed nephew.

You see Carlos’ father is Ryan (My sister’s husband). Ryan happens to have a strange sense of humor, thus he fits in well with our family. Ryan has a flare for dressing up in strange and often trashy costumes. I have included a few for your reference.
This is Ryan at a Sugarland concert. We bought this t-shirt that reads "Put the hammer down" complete with boot and big rig truck at a truck stop on the way to the show. . . 

This is Ryan at work one day. He looks strangely familiar to Steve from Blue's Clues!!

This is Ryan at work on a different day. I would turn and look and he would be wearing random things. Weirdo!!

I am writing this post to brag about what I have purchased for Carlos. You see, as you can see from the picture below, Ryan likes to wear a faux fu Manchu.
This is Ryan and his friend Craig at college one day. I believe they were directing traffic on campus. (Side Note: Ryan has given me permission to post this picture.)

 I, unfortunately, believe that this gene will perhaps be passed on to poor baby Carlos. Being the great aunt that I will be I have purchased him a starter fu Manchu from Piquant Designs on Etsy.com.




As you can imagine, I have since been banned from buying him anything. I have big things planned for him. Keep following, I will keep you updated as soon as he arrives! 

Have a great week readers! 

New Pic Alert!
Apparently, Ryan's friend Lee loves Carlos' new pacifier! I hope Kenzie sanitizes it after this!  Hahahah

Monday, December 20, 2010

Monday Madness!!

Hi Readers!! I hope you are not contemplating giving up on all your shopping endeavors. There are only 5 more shopping days! Ahhhhh- Luckily I am done! WooHoo! I am just hoping the wonderful USPS delivers my packages accordingly. So far this year they have been terrible about losing my orders and shipping them right past me! I have some additions for my dear blank post. This pic was sent to me by my brother-in-law Ryan. He spotted this 12 year old Mullet sporting kid at a wal-mart in Indiana. Haha Enjoy!
On a different note, I had an interesting weekend. My cousins Payton & Gracie spent the night with me. Payton is 10 and Gracie is 5. Since I am childless I don’t really have a child friendly house. No stepping stools to see over the counter, no bubble gum flavored toothpaste, but I do have lots of sweets and candy. Strangely enough, Gracie doesn’t eat sweets. She is an odd child, but I love her. She provides me with lots and lots of entertainment. For instance this is a conversation we had this weekend:
Gracie: “Lenzie, why is your house so clean?”
Lenzie: “Because I don’t have kids.”
Gracie: “Yes, Kids are messy.”
Lenzie: “Yes, Kids are messy and if I didn’t have a husband my house would be super clean.”

Here is a Picture of Gracie admiring my awesome mustache on a stick:
You can clearly see that she is a dork!

After a loooong weekend with the girls and some last minute Christmas shopping I can honestly make the following statements:
1.      I am sooo ready for Christmas shopping/parties to be over!
2.      I am sooo not ready for Children!

Please try not to strangle anyone of the last few days of craziness before Christmas. If you find yourself on edge please enjoy the following recipe from FunnySpoon.com. Just imagine hot chocolate, but with ice and alcohol. Enjoy!!
Chocolate Martini Swirl

3 parts Milk
Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup
2 Parts Kahlua Liqueur





1.      Add the Kahlua, milk and 1 tbsp of Hershey’s syrup and a small handful of ice to a blender. Blend until ice is crushed.
2.      Take Hershey’s syrup and swirl around a martini glass and pour in the chocolaty concoction. Top with more chocolate if you lugh Chocolate like me!

Please note: you may need to double or quadruple the amount of Kahlua depending on the number of family get-togethers you are required to attend.
Remember-Please don’t Drink & Drive! Have a great week readers and have a VERY Merry Christmas!!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Dear Blank

Hello Readers! Happy shopping to you all. If you are an over achiever you will probably be sitting back with your feet propped up and laughing at the rest of us who still have tons to do before Christmas. And to that we say “eff you”. In my state of Christmas Grinch-ness I seem to notice more ratards in public around this time of year.(SIDE NOTE: If you live under a rock and do not understand my reference to The Hangover when using the word ratard, then stop reading right now and watch this movie. It is AMAZING.)(SIDE NOTE: My sisters & I unwrapped all of our Christmas presents every year. My mother was a terrible hider and we ALWAYS found the presents. We hate surprises so gifts from Santa were never any fun for us.) This has prompted my new section aptly titled “Dear Blank”. I can not take credit for this idea, I happened to stumble upon a website http://www.dearblankpleaseblank.com/ and thought that I could add a few entries. So here we go:

Dear Salvation Army Bell Ringers,
Please stop making creepy remarks about what we wear or anything else besides “Merry Christmas” and “Thank You”. We want to at least believe we are donating to a greater cause, not your potential drug use. When you make comments about “Say no to drugs, but give them to me” we start questioning your authenticity.  
Sincerely, Me
(SIDE NOTE: I wore a shirt to my local wal-mart that stated, “Friends don’t let friends go to OU” as in Oklahoma University. This bell ringer saw the shirt and mistook it to be a, “Friends don’t let friends do drugs” shirt. After he reads aloud when he believes my shirt to say he then proclaims, “Don’t do drugs, give them to me”. . . . . . Really Salvation Army?!? I swear you can’t make this up!!)

Dear Family with the 80 small children,
Hooray for your fertileness. I am soo happy that your 80 children believe in Santa. What I am not so happy about is the fact that you are buying their “Santa” presents while they are running around the store like heathens! Haven’t you taught them that Santa is watching at all times? Playing hide and seek in the garden center is not putting them on the good list. If you refuse to watch your children while shopping then it is not my responsibility if I happen to run them over with my cart. It is also totally not my fault if I shout at them when they almost run over me in the store. Please don’t make me be the bad guy and tell them there is No Santa.
Sincerely, Me
(SIDE NOTE: If you still believe in Santa and you are reading my blog then you are TOO old to believe in Santa. Sorry to break it to you. Your parents put all the presents out, ate the cookies, poured out the milk (who would drink milk that has been sitting out all night-GROSSSS) and took a bite out of the apple for Rudolph. But on a happier note, you no longer have to believe in the naughty list.)

Dear Disgruntled College/High School Store Employee,
Thank you for working late hours so that procrastinators like me can finish our shopping. On the other hand, please don’t tell me your sob story about how you have worked 3 WHOLE days in a row. Seriously?! Congrats for putting in a 30 hour work week. I am sure you have tons of more “important” things to do. I apologize that my postponement of shopping has cut into your XBOX live schedule or your beer pong tournament. Just be thankful you have a job and realize that once you leave that sweet deal in the institution called “Higher Education” you will forever be working UNTIL YOU DIE. Please enjoy your sleeping in, late nights and no responsibility while you can. It will all come to an end soon.
Sincerely, The “Real” World

And lastly

Dear Fake Santas,
Thank you for being such a trooper. You grow your beard out all year long so you can play the perfect Santa. However, if you weren’t so creepy the children may not scream and ruin every picture you take with them. Santa’s do not look like the round faced jolly men that once was. Santas today look like ex-drug addicts who pee themselves to feel the warmth. Malls/Shopping centers, please stop hiring these scary Santas.
Sincerely, Frightened Children

I will leave you with some pics to prove this point! Have a great week.
The Children’s identity has been protected by blurring them out-High Tech Style!! .
Santa: "Ahhh, I'm gonna eat you"

This Santa is petting the child. Weird!

If you have any Santa pics, send them my way! I will add them to the post!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Words of Wisdom by Lenzie

Hello my wonderful bloggers! I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. It has been a while since my last post. It was a BUSY 3 weeks. I had the Wicked/Harry Potter extravaganza, which was AMAZING! Wicked was very good and HP was spectacular, as usual. Then Thanksgivings, which happen to be my least favorite holiday, not because of the meaning but more because I really don’t like most of the traditional Thanksgiving fare. I also threw my sister a baby shower for our upcoming Nephew Carlos. (Side Note: His name is not actually Carlos, but they haven’t chosen a name so we thought Carlos would be appropriate.) So I am back to normal, well as normal as I have always been. Although now I just have to worry about Christmas shopping, which I just started doing yesterday. I am WAY behind this year; I am most usually finished by this time every other year. Oh well, I may just gift card it up this year J! Since I am sure most of you are starting to stress about the holidays I thought I would offer you some advice to maybe help your holiday aggression.
Lenzie’s Words of Wisdom: Holiday Edition:
1.      If someone runs into you while shopping without apologizing you have the right to payback the rude shopper. Some examples of possible and approved repayments are as follows:
a.       Follow said shopper around the store and place miscellaneous merchandise into their cart while they are not looking. The more random the items, the better the revenge. (Side Note: Condoms, hemorrhoid cream, adult diapers, gas x, finger puppets, ping pong balls & crayons are all excellent choices.)
b.      Continue bumping carts with the shopper until he/she says something and then say, “Oh, I thought you liked playing bumper carts!”
c.       This last suggestion is only for the meanest of mean offenders. (Side Note: I would NEVER execute this type of punishment, but it should be rather effective.)  Simply stay in front of the shopper for the entire rest of the trip. Block the entire isle so they can't get around. Walk incredibly slowly and in a zig zag fashion. Maybe they will get the hint and stay far far away!
2.      If you find yourself in a duel over the last remaining item and your dueler is not willing to negotiate you have 2 options if you are not willing to bow out of the duel:
a.       Grab the item and run as fast as you can to the checkout counter. Knocking over potential road blocks, such as toilet paper rolls, pencils or marbles may slow your competition down. (Side Note: Trying the “Hey look” trick may help as well.)
b.       If you are certain you will be unable to outrun your fellow dueler the only proper way to proceed is to determine the victor by a game of paper, scissor, rock. I happen to like best out of 5.         
                                                              i.      Should your dueler be a poor sport, simply shout, as loud as you can, “Stranger Danger” and collect your merchandise once the dueler is embarrassed and make your way to the check out.
3.      Holidays should not be just a time to shop. This is prime people watching people!!! You will see things you questioned ever existing. Instead of giving you written examples I will show you some of the sites I have seen on my recent trips! Please feel free to send me your pics of the wonders you spot while shopping and I will add them to this post. Also note that not all wonders have to be bad, some are just sooo great you need proof that you witnessed it!
                                                              i.      Please Remember- While photographing live subjects please make sure your camera/phone is on silent so you can be as inconspicuous as possible. Enjoy!!
Saw this at the mall. Loved this! I am also sure my Yorkie is smarter than most honor students!

Barbie lost her car at Hobby Lobby! How fun would this be to drive?

Saw this at the mall in St. Louis, MO. Thought it was rather interesting that Michael Jackson, Kanye West & Barack Obama were all painted for the "Achievement & Hope" Campaign. I will leave it at that!

Haha Jordan thought she needed pushed at Wal-Mart when she didn't feel well!

I spotted this car and laughed out loud. Whatever it was hauling would flop up and down. I caught it when the car was stopping so it was up!

Scary Mannequins at Dillard's. I thought for a second I was in some cheesy horror flick about man eating naked mannequins.

Only in Arklahoma will you find this rare type of mullet. This mullet consists of an entirely shaved head except for the thin layer of hair at the back. Now only if it had been braided...

Saw these ladies at wal-mart. Never acceptable to wear house shoes into a public place. Especially not winter booties with booty shorts, What the heck?!

This car is CLASSY! The back bumper was adorned with faux Louis Vuitton emblems. Banana!! (Side Note: My iPhone corrects bahaha to Banana, so naturally I have just started saying Banana)

My sister spotted this car stache and sent it to me! This car is 100% cooler with the stache!!

I saw this nice ride at wal-mart. Pimped out 1980's Lincoln town car with 20's. NICE!! I wouldn't be surprised if it had scissor doors as well!!

Well Folks, I hope this has perhaps brightened your day. Remember to keep your cameras ready, for you are sure to see some magical things while Christmas shopping this year! Have a great Week!!