Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Stinkin’ Weatherford

If you read my last post, you saw that Weatherford would need its own post. Well here it is. Weatherford is a small town in far western Oklahoma. Western Oklahoma is en entity all its own. There is a line that divides the state. Look Below:
This line separates God’s country which is the Eastern portion (Khaki) and Suckville (Grey) which is the Western part of the state. You may be asking, Why would I, a native Oklahoman call part of this grand state Suckville?!? There happen to be very few trees in western Oklahoma. The land is incredibly flat. The few trees that are there are all permanently bent as the wind NEVER STOPS BLOWING. Thus we have an abundance of windmills and scenery. (Side Note: I 100% support the utilization of green energy, but I would rather not only see windmills all the time).

There is was nothing to do in the town. We had an old wal-mart. Like the ones from the 80’s that used to have the cafés, but this one didn’t even have that anymore. The literally stocked like 10 different items. The movie theatre had 2 or 3 screens the size of 2 60’ TVs. And the movies released were at least close to coming to DVD by the time they made the “big” screen. I have denoted Weatherford with a Pirate’s cross, not that any treasure was found there, except maybe tumbleweeds and abundance of wind to power the BILLIONS of windmills. See below:

Well let me explain. My husband & I got married when he found out he was accepted to pharmacy school, because you can’t go to college 4 hours away and live together without being married, right?! We would have gotten married eventually, just not when we were 20 like some small town hillbilly who happed to get knocked up! Thankfully that was so not the case! Ok that is another post. . . Pharmacy school was in Weatherford, OK. Now don’t get me wrong, Pharmacy school is tough to get into, especially this school. I had many friends who could not get into this school after multiple attempts and “donations” and finally were accepted to another pharmacy school in the state. (Side Note: I will let you deduce which college to which I am referring).

Trip to Weatherford Numero Uno:
After we knew we were getting married and moving across the state the next step was to find us a place to live. Pharmacy School is 3 years of class and 1 year of rotations. Since we planned on Jacob doing his rotations in Tulsa & the Eastern part of the state we would only need somewhere to live for 3 years. We would also be coming home during the summer so that was something we had to take into account.
My husband & his family had already made a trip to W’ford to scope out potential living quarters prior to my first visit. To my delight, husband & his family found us a place to live! Yay!! Or so I thought. My first trip to Weatherford was July 4, 2005. This happened to be 2 days after I had all 4 of my wisdom teeth cut out. (Side Note: My wisdom teeth hadn’t surfaced so they had to be chiseled out and the dentist cut my flippin’ lip! This was 1 month prior to my wedding!) Needless to say, I was in some discomfort! I was on a diet of baby food and pudding. My face looked like it was engorged! I looked like a squirrel with his cheeks full of nuts (Cue crude jr. high humor now: haha). Looking back, this may be one of the many reasons that I loathed W’ford!
I will admit right now that I am a teensy bit high maintenance in the fact that I expect to live someplace that is clean, fairly new and nice. Well folks that was not the case. Weatherford is pretty secluded and let’s just say it does not attract a lot of “big business” so the only people living there are students, teachers or local business owners. This is not a place where the rich and famous go to visit. This is where the lonely would go to die. Our new residence, the place we would spend the first 3 years of our married life was a trailer. And I am not talking a new “double-wide”, but that honestly wouldn’t have been any better (Side Note: If you are reading this and you currently live in a trailer, I am sorry. It just isn’t my style.) I am talking about a 1983 build red & khaki atrocity. (Side Note: of all the colors red is my absolute least favorite). We were born in 1984, so this puppy was even older than we were. It had 960 sq. ft. Since I tried to banish that time frame from my memory I do not have a picture, but you can get the idea from the picture below.
Just imagine red skirting, khaki everything else. And take away the trees and add like 30 more trailers. Now please pay close attention to my next statement as this is one of my keynote reasons for disliking the whole situation. Oklahoma is largely covered by what is known as Tornado Alley. Tornado Alley is a term that refers to where tornados frequent most often. Oklahoma & Kansas report more tornados per land area than ANY OTHER state. As I mentioned earlier, western Oklahoma is incredibly flat with few trees, therefore making high winds and tornados even more dangerous. Also, if you have heard any redneck joke about tornados loving trailer parks, it is true. We constantly had our survival kit packed and ready to go to the shelter at the school. Fortunately we never experienced a tornado, but we did watch them place down all around us multiple times during our 3 years. Please see the below map and remember where Weatherford is!
   


I will continue with the rest of my stories of Wonderful W’ford at a later date. Peace out Girl Scout! 

Monday, October 25, 2010

The Fantastical Tricks of Mr. Lilo

I always swore that I would NEVER be one of those parents that literally can not have a conversation unless it was about their children. And since I technically do not have children (even though I love Milo and Lilo sooo much) I feel that I can post about this accomplishment without breaking my promise. You see, Lilo is talented. And I know what you are thinking. Lilo must be super special in order to make the blog, right? Is Lilo a drug sniffing cat? Can Lilo save lives? Can Lilo speak? (Side Note: the answer to this one is actually yes, he tends to be very vocal if he can see the bottom of his food bowl) (Side-Side Note: Lilo is a boy, aside from the girly name. We once had a cat named Stitch and they were BFFs). I am afraid Lilo can do none of the amazing qualities one looks for in a cat, but what he can do is pretty spectacular. Lilo can catch Q-Tips. He catches them with his paws and makes a paw and Q-Tip sandwich. Please see video below:

Let me explain, the day we recorded this video Lilo was in a particularly fowl mood. We usually have to bribe him with kitty treats so that he will do as we please. Most of the time he will just eat the treats and then run off in the opposite direction, but on rare occasions he will behave and do the tricks we ask of him.
We first discovered this talent when living in Weatherford, Oklahoma. (Side Note: There will be a complete entry on the town of Weatherford; there may also be multiple posts).
Lilo would sit on top of the toilet seat while we would get ready for school. Jacob, my husband, would usually shoot his q-tips across the bathroom into the trash can. Please also note that Jacob likes to think of himself as a shorter, white Lebron James. Now don’t get me wrong, the boy does have skill. He can shoot free throws like it is nobody’s business. Lilo saw that Jacob was getting a little cocky in his q-tip shooting ability so he decided to start blocking his shots. He would literally take his little paw and prevent Jacob’s shot from reaching the trash can. I then began shouting “Ohhhh Rejected” every time this situation arose. Lilo then began catching the q-tips. Now you must understand Weatherford in order for you to understand our appeal of playing catch the q-tip with Lilo. There is NOTHING to do in Weatherford except make up ignorant games with your cat. Since moving from Waetherford, Lilo has lost some of his appetite for q-tip catching. We will still find a random q-tip under the rug that he has retrieved from the container, but I am afraid the good ol’ days are gone. It is a sad, sad day.  

Friday, October 22, 2010

Jacobism 1.0 Addendum

This may be the only time you will read this in my blog: Jacob actually read my last post which happened to be his Jacobism. SHOCKER!! He rarely reads unless it has to do with sports or if he is reading my Cosmo magazine. He usually only reads in short intervals and mostly in the bathroom. (Love ya Jake). So the fact that he read an actual post was pretty impressive.
After reading and remembering his Transformer Mind Blip he took issue with his picture that I posted. One would think he would be angry that the story makes him seem like a really big dork, but no he is angry with the picture. Since I happen to lugh (Side note: lugh = love, but cooler) my husband very much I have agreed to post a better picture. So here is goes:
Jacob in the car on the wat to STL. How can I focus on the road when I am driving beside this?!

Dearest Jacob,
I hope that you love the newest picture. I really think that this picture explains the true you! Although I am very thankful you do not sport a Tom Selleck ‘stache circa 1980. If you are still unsatisfied with this picture, please allow me to photograph you in my zebra print apron that you so graciously adorned while fixing dinner last week.
Your Loving Wife,
Lenzie

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Jacobism 1.0

For those of you who might not know my husband I think a little background information might be in order. Jacob is a very intelligent person, but sometimes he says the most off the wall statements. He is not a loud and boisterous person. He is a pharmacist for a large chain store, so clearly he is well educated. He is also an old soul. I swear he is like an old man. He can sit and talk to any person about any subject, which is probably why people like him so well. Luckily for me, and most of you, Jacob has his own type of senior moments. These senior moments include statements or actions that are ridiculous, funny but ridiculous.
Jacob wearing some 1980's shades we found while cleaning out my parent's attic.

 This brings us to our very first Jacobism. Jacob is the type of person that is literally unable to sit and watch an entire movie. He has to get up and move around multiple times. It is like he has ADD, but only during movies. So when a movie keeps Jacob’s attention through the entire showing, it is a rare thing. During our whole relationship I can only think of 2 movies that have been able to hold his attention; Transformers and Transformers 2- The revenge of the fallen. If you know Jacob, this is already weird as he is a huge sports fanatic and usually only wants to watch or listen to something sports related (unless Sandra Bullock is involved, but that will have to wait till the next post).
One Afternoon, Jacob & I were eating lunch at one of our favorite eateries, Blazen Burrito. (Side Note: For those who have not tried Blazen Burrito, it is Wonderful, you should seriously go). This lunch date was shortly after Jacob & I have seen Transformers 2 in the theatre. This is once again a rarity as Jacob usually falls asleep in the theatre, so I refuse to go with him anymore. After our lunch as we were preparing to get up from the table, Jacob proceeds to slam his fists on the table and exclaim, rather loudly I might add “Autobots, Roll Out!” He them promptly left the table and the restaurant. I then sat at the table for what seemed like hours trying to regain my composure and trying to figure out what exactly just happened. I would also like to add that the usual lunch time crowd was in the restaurant at the time and I know for a fact at least 3 tables turned and glared at me. I felt like I was the “Big Sister” taking my “Little Brother” out for a lunch. After my face returned to a much more normal pale alabaster I then left the restaurant to then be asked by Jacob, “What took you so long?” He then went with his day as if nothing had happened and that for a small instance he forgot that he thought he was Optimus Prime. . . .

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

My Shenanigans


I should start off by saying that any and all views expressed in this blog belong solely to me or someone close to me. If you happen to not agree with my (our) views, please stop reading or move ahead to the next post. I am sorry if you are offended, but once again no one is forcing you to read this nonsense!

Hmmm, where to begin? As this is my first EVER blog post I will start at the beginning, as that may explain some of my randomness. I should probably tell my reader(s) a little something about myself, although I am sure my sisters, mom and best friend already know most of the gritty details of my life, but in the odd chance that someone else stumbles upon this page by accident here ya go! I grew up in a small town in Oklahoma. For those who are reading this blog and have never experienced Oklahoma, well you “ain’t missin’ much.” This is honestly how some people speak in this area, it gets even better when mixed with alcohol and sprinkled with NASCAR. Oklahoma happens to be a nice state, but nothing too incredible. If Oklahoma were a color it would be beige. I have no quarrel with beige; it happens to adorn most of my walls, but as a whole it can be kind of boring.

(Beige Oklahoma. . . Told Ya)

My parents have been married for over 30 years and I have two pretty amazing sisters, Kenzie & Jordan. Although most times I swear I was adopted, I have a pretty fantastic family. I am married to my “High School Sweetheart.” Haha, what a cliché, right from a Lifetime movie! I will get into these details later, as Jacob deserves his own section. (Side note: From time to time you will get to experience these amazing little nuggets of Jacob’s wit, I will call them Jacobisms. Please look forward to these as they usually brighten my day, but also question my sanity when I married him). We have 2 children, the most amazing & precious dog, Milo and a fat cat, Lilo.

             My Family at my sisters wedding. From left (mother Debbie, Sisters Jordan, Kenzie & Lenzie (Me))

                                                          Precious Milo at work with me.

        Mr. Fat Cat Lilo. He may or may not have slapped Jordan directly after this photo was taken!

Why start a blog? Well, it all started when I was telling one of my many Jacobisms to my best fran, Amber. (Side note: fran = friend but cooler). We decided that I should document all of these precious nuggets so that many could appreciate and laugh at his sometimes unexplainable humor. Not only do we feel that these Jacobisms should be shared, but also the random situations that we find ourselves in periodically. This brings us to Karen, my muse. Please see opening photo above. Karen is a pirate. I know what you must be thinking, “Oh My, Karen has a beard. There is no way Karen can be a girl.” Well Karen is very sensitive and has very active hair follicles on her face. We overlook her beard and feel saddened that she never got to experience the bubble bath beard we all know and loved as children and sometimes as adults if we have time to have a bubble bath. We first met Karen at the first annual Barbie Palooza. Barbie Palooza is a springtime party thrown for some of my closest friends. It is basically a “no boys allowed party” where we get to eat cookie cake and drink frilly pink cocktails and swim in a mini-pool. Karen was invited by Jordan. She figured that a girl pirate might appreciate a nice girl’s night out, but what Karen didn’t know is how her life would be forever altered later that night. Karen is a piñata. And I am sure you can guess why her life was ended tragically too soon. You see, Karen was stuffed with delicious candy and plastic jewels. And as many people know, you never come between a woman and her jewelry or candy for that matter.

On that fateful night Karen was decapitated with a shovel by my friend Allyson. (Side note: we had just moved into our new house and could not find anything more suitable to use as a stick). A Moment of Silence for Karen the Pirate Please. . . . . . . Karen served her purpose phenomenally, and will forever be in our hearts. Well, this is enough rambling for one post. Until the next time- Peace Out Girl Scout-