Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Part 2... B-Day

Oh, the birth day. Lots of emotions were leading up to that wild ride. As I had mentioned in part 1 that my blood pressure had begun to rise and thus we needed to induce for the health of me and precious P. This was very upsetting for a multitude of reasons.
1. Being induced more than doubles your change of having a cesarean which I was terrified of having after a botched c-section occurred to someone very close.
Image result for pitocin meme

2. I wanted to have a natural birth and pitocin contractions are much more intense than normal contractions so I was obviously worried about the pain.

3. I wanted to be able to move around during my birth and not be hooked up to machines. Thankfully, my Dr. was amazing. She knew my concerns and made me feel so much better. She also knew that it was important to have my sisters with me and she offered to induce on the weekend so that they could be there. That was a big deal, they usually don’t induce on weekends.

It was a whirlwind of a weekend. I was induced Saturday night the 13th of September. I was given a pill to soften my cervix. That sounds terrible but I really had no idea anything was happening. That next morning was when they started the pitocin. We called our birth photographer to head our way since I was already dilated to a 3, we knew it wouldn’t be long. Bahahaha, we were totally wrong. He finally made his debut at 5:00 that night after 2 hours of pushing, yep, you read that right, 2 FLIPPIN’ HOURS OF PUSHING.
A couple of things happened that day that I think I should warn you about.
  1. We didn’t eat dinner that night before because we were a bundle of nerves. Bad idea. Turns out that they are pretty strict on not eating while in labor, which was totally ridiculous and I’m so thankful Jacob snuck me jolly ranchers or I might have died from hunger or killed someone out of hangriness.
  2. Contractions are no fun. I was expecting some period cramps, not vice grips on my loins. Apparently pitocin takes your contractions from stupid painful to wicked painful.
  3.  When you have a crazy family, expect your delivery room to be anything but peaceful. I had Jacob, my sisters-Kenzie & Jordan, Hanna- my sister in law, and my birth photographer in the room.  I was also the the only active labor that night so I had a room full of nurses who were cheering me on! There were a lot of scarred eyes that day. Some things cannot be un-seen, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way! 

                                                                               cannot be trusted in a hospital...

    Image result for birth meme
  4.    The epidural did not hurt at all to get, however, I did not push the extra dose button and it wore off before I was done pushing. So that was fun.
  5. When the nurse says to walk carefully to the bathroom to shower off the blood and muck, you should walk carefully. Not strut like this because it looks like a scene from Carrie if you do. Fo’ Real. So. Much. Blood. Also your legs feel weird. So take it easy.
                                                                      Don't walk to the bathroom like this. Just trust me!
  6. Seeing your husband become a first time dad is the sweetest thing. #ALLTHEFEELS

All in all it was a crazy, stressful, beautiful day. I never felt that I would love anything more than my dog and then this sweet boy entered our world and we wouldn’t change it for a thing.  I don’t want to go through pregnancy or birth again, ever, but I’m so happy we decided to give it a shot.
Here are some of my favorite shots from that day. If you're on the fence about hiring a birth photographer, do it. You will not regret it! It was amazing to have these pictures to look back on that special day. 

Thanks to MJW Photography for sharing our day! You can catch his birth story here or Porter's new born pictures here
See you soon, friends!

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Pregnancy & Birth is bananas, Y’all

Part 1... Pregnancy, schmegnancy 

*These were taken by the lovely Helen Barker at HelenBarker.co*

Let me start by reminding you all that I wasn’t even sure if I wanted children. I mean, I don’t really tolerate children that well. They stress me out! They’re high maintenance, loud and whiny, wait a minute, I’m describing myself now. I was loving the aunt life and lack of responsibilities that my late twenties were offering. We could sleep in and we could travel wherever at the drop of a hat because we had no real responsibilities. Did I mention how important sleep is to me? I’m one of those that require at least 9 hours of sleep per day. I prefer to have closer to 10 hours to be a functioning adult. (I use the term functioning very loosely here).

Once we decided to have a child, I did all the research that I could on pregnancy & birth. I have always been intrigued by birth, maybe I was a midwife in a past life. I grew up watching a baby story and I didn’t know I was pregnant. I thought I had seen it all. I watched a million YouTube videos. I even watched a lady give birth in a creek, a creek, y’all. If she could have a baby in the same place that treated sewage water was released, I would totally be a rock star at giving birth. I also knew I was going to LOVE being pregnant. I was going to be one of those “cute” pregnant ladies. You know the ones where they have a little tiny bump and they don’t gain 25 pounds in just their face. They are also the ones who can wear their regular clothes up until their last few weeks? Yeah, that was NOT me, unfortunately. Let me break it down by what really happens*:
                *these experiences are only of my own personal account. Every pregnancy is different and my memory cannot be validated 100% due to reason #3 as my mind has not fully recovered*

  • ·         Morning Sickness: Morning, hahaha! I would have to go to bed at 7pm every night because I was so nauseated that if I kept my eyes open any longer I would throw up. Then in the morning, I’d have to sprint to eat something to keep the nausea at bay. I would also have, what I call, R.G.A.- Random Gag Attacks. I would be having a conversation with someone and then I’d have to stop talking because if I opened my mouth, I was going to be sick. These occurred when I was driving, when I was on the phone, in the drive thru line, at work, everywhere! The only thing that saved my sanity was chewy sweet tart minis. It was awful. Thankfully around 13 weeks, the nausea fell by the way side, only to be replaced by-

    • ·         Heart Burn-AKA the “I’m carrying the Devil’s fire-breathing dragon child”. You want to know what gave me heartburn when I was pregnant? Literally everything - water, tums, bread, more tums, all the food, all the drinks. Nothing stopped the fire breathing. I had to sleep almost at a 90-degree angle because that would “help” your acid naturally stay in your stomach instead of slithering back up your throat. This lasted until I popped that sweet boy out.
    • ·         Pregnancy brain – Yes, this is real, yes it makes you REAL stupid. I would forget names of things that I had known MY. WHOLE. LIFE. Simple things, like addition, simple English and sometimes common sense were well beyond my reach. This lovely symptom follows through the newborn stage because you then become sleep deprived.

    • ·         Coffee, my beloved coffee. I was a regular at Starbucks. They knew my name, and could spell it correctly, and my order before I got there every single day. It was my happy place and I gave it up the whole time I was pregnant. Who knows if caffeine causes any problems with pregnancy, but I was not chancing it and this caused me to lose my gold card status. I was so upset that I emailed Starbucks’ headquarters and explained that I had to give up coffee that it wasn’t that I was intentionally ignoring my favorite place. I asked for a temporary stay in my gold card status. Haha! Pregnancy hormones made me irrationally upset that I was no longer a gold card member. I forgave Starbucks and my addiction is in full force once again. 

    • ·         The weight gain, I’m sure you’re thinking that this is such a vain point to make, but let me remind you I had recently gotten into the best shape of my adult life. I lost 30 pounds and for once, did not loathe my body. This is a bold statement to make. I have had body image issues since I was a child. A child! My earliest memory of body image issues was from when I was about 10-12 years old. Which means that there has never been a time in my life that I can remember liking my body. It was really hard to lose the weight and even harder to not be so hard on myself and now it was coming on so quickly. I gained almost 60 pounds. I remember toward the end of my pregnancy that I gained 5 pounds in one week. I had started to develop some pre-eclampsia and we eventually induced because of that, but it was rough. It is still rough. My body has forever changed and I still have lots of weight to lose. But more on that later.

    Pregnancy wasn’t all bad. There are a few positive points that I feel obligated to share for the sake of fairness:
    • ·         Hair! My hair finally grew! It became long and healthy. I felt like a dang mermaid, which I’ve always wanted to be! I had been growing my hair out for years and it just wouldn’t grow. It stayed the same length and never looked healthy until I got pregnant.
    • ·         Boobs: I’ve never had a problem in the boob department and I was always a middle of the pack girl. It was awesome to experience those splendid boobs before they started becoming engorged to the point of bursting and then bleeding, but more on that later. They were great for a short time.
    • ·         Eating for two, without the heavy judgement. Most of the time if you order 2 ice creams you get judged, hard core, but when you’re pregnant, it is almost expected for a woman to cave to those cravings. You’ll get a comment every now and then like, “Are you sure you’re not having twins” and “My, you’re ready to burst”. To those twat waffles, I say it’s totally ok to hand out a punch. Here’s a pro-tip: NEVER COMMENT ON ANY WOMAN’S WEIGHT OR FOOD CONSUMPTION. EVER.
    • ·         You get a free pass from not doing anything you don’t want to do. Don’t want to take out the trash? No problem, just say the smell is making you sick. Don’t want to do the laundry? Just say your feet are so swollen and you can’t stand on them for long. Don’t want to fix dinner? Fake a well-timed gag and you’ll be left to your own devices! You must not abuse this power or you’ll be caught and all sympathy is gone.

    I hope you all have a great day! I’ll be sharing part 2 soon!

    Thursday, March 16, 2017

    Karen’s Pirate Life…Where are they now?

    Lenzie – Totally neglectful blogger who spends all of her free time with her sweet boy, Porter.
    Yes, it's a snapchat filter! Snapchat filters are life! Seriously y'all, it's like some type of wizardry. 

    Jacob – Still utterly ridiculous and churning out quality Jacobisms on the daily.
    He bought a tractor, Lord help me.

    Porter – New boss of the house. It’s his world and we are living in it.
    This nugget is perfect. I know that I'm completely biased and he can totally be a wild animal, but he's too cute!

    Milo – Neglected older brother of the golden child Porter
    They're "best friends", if your best friend constantly terrorizes you and takes every opportunity to block your path and/or hide your bone. 

    I’m coming back! I need a creative outlet after taking a couple of years off and I have lots to share. I’ll start with my birth story and continue from there! See you soon!

    Thursday, April 24, 2014

    Things You Should Never Say To a Woman Buying a Pregnancy Test

    I’m back! I know I mentioned in my last post that I would share what made my pregnancy test purchase outing such a disaster. I went to our local Dollar Store, it was the closest store to my house and like I said, I am impatient.  That was probably my mistake to assume that I would get respectable customer service at the dollar store. . . Also, apparently pregnancy tests are stolen quite a bit as they keep a cardboard cutout that you have to take to the register to get the actual tests. Weird! These are not the digital tests that are really expensive. These are like 5 dollars for 2 tests, pretty cheap where pregnancy tests are concerned. So after walking around the store and making sure no one else was checking out at the time, I finally took the cutouts to the register. The lady checking me out looked to be about 60 years old and may have been on drugs at some point in her life. Not judging, just stating the facts based on her voice and appearance. Upon entering the checkout line the following conversation occurred:


    DS Clerk: “Uh oh, is this an accident?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    DS Clerk: “You had the same idea as a lady who just left. She bought two tests.”

    Me: *Blank Stare*

    DS Clerk: “So, was this planned?”

    Me: “Well it wasn’t unplanned, but still scary.”

    DS Clerk: “Well I would NOT be bringing a baby into this world. There is too much evil.”

    DS Clerk: “Thank goodness I had my babies when I did.”


    As if buying pregnancy tests aren’t scary enough, it only makes it worse when you’re verbally accosted because you may or may not be pregnant! Maybe my hormones were a bit out of whack, but I do NOT want to be one of those overly sensitive girls who cry when anyone says the word baby. Get ahold of yourself people! I decided that the lady was just dumb, simple as that, or high, that is also an option. Moral of the story – DON’T SAY A WORD WHEN A WOMAN IS BUYING A PREGNANCY TEST- a simple how are you, and thank you will suffice!

    Have a great day!

    It Just Got Real, Y’all!

    Milo is going to be a big brother.

    I’m freaking out a bit!

    This post won’t see the light of day for a while, but I have to write this down or 1. I’ll forget and 2. I’ll forget.
    I’m sure you all knew about my 30 year “agreement” with Jake. When we got married at 21, I asked him to give me until I was 30 until we started having kids. He disagreed and said BY 30, toh-mot-toes, tomat-toes.

    We have had multiple friends who had trouble conceiving and we did not know how long it would take us to conceive. It could take 6 months or a year or even longer. We honestly were worried that something might be wrong with one or either of us as we had not been on any BC for almost 4 years. That is a long time to be protection free and no pregnancy scares. Go Me! So in November we decided that we could give it the “ole college try” in December. That would give us a fall baby. Why a fall baby? Well the weather isn’t too hot or too cold and you can have a summer style birthday party or a fall birthday party! Is it weird that I would plan a baby around birthday parties? No, it isn’t, moving on.

    I’m really regular so we knew when the “magic” should happen. Well the “magic” did happen and apparently there is nothing wrong with us. I was a bit OCD on taking pregnancy tests and let me tell you, they are EXPENSIVE! Seriously, for something you pee on it is a bit ridiculous. I started taking them like 8 days after conception. I’m an idiot, but sooo impatient. You all know that I do NOT like surprises. I want to know asap. Well they all said negative, but after reading a million inserts they all said that it might be too early. Most tests don’t show a positive until like 4 days before your expected period. So we waited and waited. Finally on day 4 before my expected period I took another. Only about 56% of tests will show a positive, but like I said, I’m impatient. Well it was a faint positive or so I thought. Jake said it was not so we were still unsure. I thought I only had the same brand as my back ups (I had already taken 5) so I had to wait until I had more tests and I was not in a hurry to go buy more after the last incident. That will be my next post. Just wait for it.  That is scary stuff! I felt like a teenager who was trying to sneak around from my mother! It was mortifying! So I had ordered some from Amazon and we decided we should wait until they are delivered. The next day I looked in my “pregnancy test” stash and found a different brand. This one would deliver two pink lines if positive instead of a purple plus sign. Again it was faintly positive. I sent the picture to Jake and he said, “So no?”. Maybe we should get his eyes checked. I told him I would go buy a digital test so this questioning would be solved once & for all. I went to Walgreens and bought another 7 tests, (told ya I was a bit OCD). I took it as soon as I got home and it said Positive . . .

    So here we are, the girl who has been anti-baby, is now pregnant. Oh Heavens! I’m terrified. Stay tuned, I’ll updated as I’m probed and prodded. . .



    Tuesday, July 2, 2013

    What I Know About Kids

    Hello Readers! Happy Tuesday! I’m back in the mix of things as we returned precious Laners last week to his parents, boo! We miss him already!  We had a great time last week. We went to the zoo, the fire station, to ride the train at the park and we swam and played a lot. I wanted to share a few things I’ve learned about kids. I’m sure most of you are now rolling your eye and thinking, “Lenzie, you don’t have kids, therefore, you must know nothing about them!” Well, you’re partly correct, I do not have kids, but I have learned a few things about them from being an aunt and I thought I’d share them.

    1.      Kids do NOT like to hear the word NO, or any form of the word. You could be saying, “Don’t poke yourself in the eye”, but just by saying DON’T it evokes such a strong “reaction” to the word it is better left unsaid. Please note that I am the AUNT so I can give in a bit more easily than a parent. Instead of NO, DON’T, STOP, NOT we say let’s do this instead or just distract away from the initial action. That seems to work so far. I do not like to hear the word NO either, so I can’t say that I disagree with the sentiment.

    2.      Kids are surely a bit bi-polar. They can go from Happy to Meltdown in 0.2 seconds and for no particular reason. These are some of the reasons I’ve made precious Laners cry/whine this week:

    a.      We had to drive through the tunnel to get to the zoo instead of going to the zoo and then the tunnel.

    b.      I would NOT let him roll the window down while driving through the drive thru safari while an emu looked right at us with a death stare.

    c.       The same thing happened as (b) but with a deer, a zebra, a crazed monkey and a buffalo.

    d.      I would not let him stick his hand inside the Monkey cage to feed the monkey for fear of him being bitten.

    e.       We made him leave the zoo to go eat at his favorite Chick-fil-A.

    f.        The game was not downloading fast enough for his liking.

    g.      His burp cloth had chocolate on it.

    h.      I wouldn’t allow him to staple his finger.

    i.        He didn’t want to see the Fire truck he had talked about seeing ALL day.

    j.        He didn’t want to leave the Fire station he cried about visiting in the first place.

    k.       I called his muffin blueberry instead of black olive.

    These are just a few of the occurrences of the week. We had such a great time with that little man, even though we made him cry/whine a few times.

    3.      Bubbles can solve all problems. I’m not sure if there are drugs in bubbles or if they are just that much fun, but once you start blowing bubbles, either in gum form or soap form, everything is forgotten. Is the kid upset because he can’t go swimming, no problem, just push the trigger on that bubble gun and everything is just fine!

    4.      Kids HATE sleeping. I don’t understand why they (Laners) feels the need to wake up at 6:20 AM on the weekend, but he did. He also does not appreciate it when you tell him to go back to bed. If/when that happens, he will almost tear down the blinds to show you that, “It’s light outside Lenlen” so that makes it totally ok to be awake. . .

    5.      You can’t have anything nice with kids. These are just a few things that were destroyed/broken while precious Laners was visiting:

    a.      Our cream microfiber bar stools. They now adorn chocolate grave stains and ketchup marks. This wasn’t even the stool he was using. I was unaware you had to create a splash zone for toddlers while eating. I also found a piece of macaroni lodged in the stool yesterday. I’m sure I’ll find more surprises later.

    b.      Lane somehow pulled up a rock from our shower floor. Our floor is river rock tile.  How he did that, I have NO clue, but he was in the shower and said, “Lenlen, a rock” and showed me the one he pulled from the ground. Haha

    c.       Maxi dresses, apparently they make the perfect napkin/tent/bridge. Not only did Lane love it, but precious Jace also initiated me with a projectile spit up. . .

    d.      Ipad screen protectors. It looks like my ipad was dragged through the mug and attacked by a wildebeest. I’m not sure how it happened, but otter boxes are a must with kids.

    e.       Jeans with holes in the knees. Lane thought that it was a perfect place to hide toy cars, bouncy balls, fake spiders, ect… The holes are now stretched about twice their original size. I’m sure they’ll shrink up once they’re washed.


    We had a great time with precious Lane and baby Jace and we did not want to give Lane back, maybe just for a day or two so I could catch up on my sleep, but then we want him back. We sure WISH that they would move closer! We miss those precious boys! Here are some pics from our fun filled week!

    Precious brothers

      So EXCITED to be in OKIEhoma
      See, Bubbles cures all things, maybe except crazy faces!
     Aquarium Fun!
       Would NOT take his glasses off!
       Splash Pad Fun
       This is my fun in the sun outfit
     Uncle Jake loved cuddling baby Jace
    Have a great 4th of July friends! Be safe!  

    Tuesday, June 11, 2013

    What Happened to May?!

    Hello Readers! I hope you all had a fabulous May! It went by sooo fast, probably because it was jam packed with fun things! Jake & I LOVED South Carolina! It was sooo pretty and peaceful! It was a nice change of pace from our usual Vacations!

     Hunting Island, South Carolina
     Hunting Island, South Carolina
     South Carolina
     South Carolina
     Tried the panoramic option on the Iphone and found that my hands were a bit shaky...

    Other exciting news in May, We got a new nephew!! Jace Thomas was born on May 31st! We are so excited to meet this little man next week and to, of course, spend some quality time with big brother Laners. 

    I will be sharing lots of pictures when Laners visits and when we get to meet Mr. Jace. I hope you all have a fabulous week.